Saturday, November 19, 2011

On my way up north/Up on the ventura/I pulled back the hood/and I was talking to you

Way up north I took my day
All in all was a pretty nice day
And I put the hood right back where
you could taste heaven perfectly
Feel out the summer breeze
Didn't know when we'd be back
And I don't- I didn't think -
we'd end up like this
-Tori Amos "A Sorta Fairytale"

Hitting the wall/Holidays

My sisters and Zack and me...1999

So far in my academic career, October seems to be the worst. But guess what- I made it through October this year almost without stopping. It passed me by and before I knew it November was here and I could see light at the end of the tunnel! But November has thrown me for a loop! I started the month with a swollen upper lip and a torn up mouth from the orthodontist office. It left me unable to talk and I had to walk around (and teach and go to class) with a giant wad of white silicone attached to one side of my upper braces. Once I finally (sort of) healed from that, I got the Mother of All Migraines which began with a light headache last Wednesday, and turned into a migraine the following Saturday behind
Thanksgiving 1995
my left eye. It disappeared with the help of Excedrin on Tuesday, then came back on Wednesday behind my other eye. I think it finally went away for good yesterday, though today I'm feeling twinges behind my right eye. During all this November stuff, I'm also unfortunately suffering some extremely negative side effects of switching up one of my meds. I'm exhausted, I feel like I have nothing left. I hate holidays- specifically Thanksgiving and Christmas. My dad and grandparents are dead, my sisters live far away.    I miss Zack and the holidays from a long time ago. The holidays will never hold the magic that they did when you were younger- so I kind of wish I could just fast forward through them.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Dreary, dreary November

Oh, November! As if I weren't already falling, you give me such a push! There are times I wish I could draw like this, or paint, or play guitar- anything to fill the emptiness that not writing has left. But there's no time, and more and more of my days are filled with academia--which I love, but isn't nearly as fulfilling as creative endeavors. I knit in my downtime to relax and to feel creative- even that, though, is fraught with my need for perfection. I find myself tearing out two days' worth of stitches. Starting over.