End of April

End of April by danishmermaid featuring heart shaped jewelry

I'm cleaning off my 2007 Gateway to give to Zack, whose computer was involved in an unfortunate roof-leaking incident. I'm transferring the guts of my old computer to an external hard drive. Pictures from 2007: I'm so skinny, and so beautiful in those 2007 pictures. All I felt was pain. I couldn't sit still for a minute. I couldn't read. I couldn't eat. I ran 3-5 miles a day with no food. I thought I was ugly. Tonight I slowly transfer all the pictures onto the hard drive the size of an index card. Every memory, every pain, trapped inside a tiny box. There is more to life than pictures, but pictures remind me of stories long-forgotten. How I loved you. How my little baby grew taller than I and put his arms around me and smiled for the camera. How I gave up everything for one man. How the greatest wishes can come true, but only at the greatest cost.

I'm craving pink tonight while it hails outside. And bird-anythings. And the sugar of cake icing. The smell of powder. Babies who kick and smile at the sight of their mother. The storms of May.